Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Mind Shift

There's an episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" in season five, episode 21 called "Weight of the World."  In that episode, Buffy explains that in one moment, she had made a huge realization about the battle about to come.  She knew that she was going to lose and she mentally gave up.  This mind shift comes to her while she was doing the mundane task of putting a book away on a shelf.  Do we have those moments?  Moments when we mentally just give up on something?  After those moments, most people just start "going through the motions" of life.  They aren't trying to get the most out of what they are experiencing.
When I lived up in the suburb.  I had met a guy who had just got back from a mission.  We had so much in common and there was chemistry.  This all happened a couple months before I transfer ed to Indiana.  I really liked him.  After the move, we still talked on the phone and emailed on a daily basis.  Out of nowhere, he starts sending me emails about not wanting to date someone that lived so far away.  The weired thing was, he never really said me, he just kept saying "someone."  Well, he and his friend came to visit me from the suburbs. We all had a great time and did some local things.  Before he left, he told me he liked me too.
The next week was rough.  It's the week my brother died.  I remember calling the guy and talking to him when I found out.  He seemed like he was pretending to listen to me, but disinterested at the same time.  I thought it was really strange.  Within a couple days after that, he sent me an email stating, he was actually dating someone else.  She was from Wisconsin, and they were getting more serious.  I was in shock!  I felt like he had been leading me on for over four months! I just emailed him back and said, "I'm done."  I never emailed or talked to him again after that. He emailed me the next month to tell me he and the girl were engaged.  I never responded.
After over a year of living in the new area and going to the singles branch, I had maybe been on a couple friendly dates.  Nothing serious.  There was a guy that seemed kind of interesting, and I called him and asked if he'd like to go to an event. He said he was out of town. He called me back in a few days and asked me to do something else.  We dated for about two months, and he never even tried to hold my hand!  On our first date, he made a very homophobic comment about how he liked Elton John until he came out as a "Flaming Homo!"  We were on another outing with a bunch of the YSAs when he saw two guys together, who he decided were gay. He started making comments to another guy in out group, "Bubba over there likes you!  Bubba wants you!" and some other very derogatory comments.  I only caught part of this, but enough to realize what he was doing.  The next week, out of nowhere, he asked me to go see the movie "I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry."  I was thinking, why the heck would he want to see this movie, especially after all of the comments he had made previously!  After the movie, I felt like this opened the door for me to say how inappropriate I felt it was to say things like that.  Well, some interesting things came out in the conversation.  The next week, he "broke up" with me by saying, "I was dating you just to date somebody."  And that was that.
That's when my mind shift began.  Why should I date within the "safe" confine of the church after the way I had been treated by the guys in previous relationships.  That's when I gave up on dating church members.
I did go out with one other guy after that. At the end of the night, he invited himself into my apartment, after I had already said, "Good night," and "Thank you!"  He just kept staying.  Then, out of nowhere he says, "Do you know what NCMO is?"  I say, um, no.  "It's a non-committal make out session!"  After about five minutes, I announced that I was turning into a pumpkin, and he had to leave!
That totally confirmed my decision that none of these men were who I want to spend "Time and All Eternity" with.  I had given up on meeting guys at church.  Where was I going to meet anyone if I didn't meet him there?  I didn't want to date a guy I met at a bar, aside from the fact that I don't drink.  I didn't plan on joining any sports clubs to meet people.  So where does someone like me meet people?
There's also the mind shift that can be positive and change a person's life for the better.  I've had a lot more of these mind shifts in my life then the negative kind. I had a mind shift in February last year, the month after my robbery.  I wanted to meet a companion.  My sister had recommended using plentyoffish.com numerous times to meet other people outside of my circle.  I set up an account and profile on there.  I just kept getting weirdos.  you know the ones who rote sentences like this hey you smile cute write me! (Yes, like that,  grammar spelling, and all!)  That's when you don't know if the person actually is uneducated or is just so lazy, he can't write a complete sentence.  On plentyoffish.com, I was getting weirder and ruder responses.  It's kind of funny, because plentyoffish.com is actually advertising in the "Hold it Against Me" Britney Spears video and Kesha's "We Are" video. 
I was eating dinner with a group of friends when they started talking about meeting people online.  One of my friends met her husband online through the yahoo dating site.  Another friend said that he was seeing someone he had met on OKcupid.com. I had never heard of that site before.  He explained it was a free site that actually does a lot of testing and matching.I decided to try OKcupid.com.  I had only been on there about a week when my current boyfriend contacted me.  He sent me an actual email with content and punctuation!  That was a total plus!  That was just over a year ago!
I'm not saying that all LDS men are terrible and not datable!  There are some that are very datable.  They just never seemed to ask me.  And like I said, I did go on a few friendly dates, and still are friends with those guys to this day.  It just seems, the guys that I found or found me relationship material, had a lot of issues!  I just knew after six or seven years of attending numerous young single adult functions and praying about it, I was not getting any where in my goals for my personal life.   

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