Friday, September 29, 2017

Thoughts on Life

Maybe I should write a memoir. People would be shocked! Heck! I WOULD BE SHOCKED! LOL! I was listening to today's Darrin Daily, and he was talking about his "New York Times Best Selling Book," and I thought, "Hmmm, maybe I should write a book!" These random thoughts are brought to you by not enough sleep for the person working 3 jobs! :-)
Honestly, I don't think I've been doing enough reading lately. Maybe I should start with doing more of that! 
In just a few short weeks, I will be on vacation. I need the vacation!!! I need rest, a pool, a theme park, things like that!!!

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

The Self Doubt

I've been working on growing my Mary Kay business while working two other jobs.
I have goals that I am setting that are personal AND professional.
The number one goal is:
TO HAVE A BABY!!! This is where I want to go with my life this year! I want to have a baby before my 40th birthday! I have ONE YEAR to do this!
My professional goals are this:
I want to become a sales director in Mary Kay by January. To do this, I will need to add around 23-28 active team members!
In doing this, I will be able to make Mary Kay my full time profession.
My first small goal is to wake up early enough every morning to put on my make up.
This is an extreme struggle for me!!! I've been watching videos about how to wake up in the morning. So far, nothing has worked for me. I have also been trying to get to bed earlier, but yet, I can't seem to fall asleep before 1am or later.
I need to be more productive at my day job.
I end up having a lot of distractions at my day job. I need to keep myself consistent until January. In December, I will re-evaluate how this is doing.
With these goals, I have had some self doubt issues. I am normally a positive person, but the last two years with the infertility issues have been severely harsh on my psyche. Since my body can't make a baby happen naturally, my mind says I can't do anything else right either. Health, business, job, etc.
Every so often, my brain says, "You can't do this. You are crazy to even fathom those types of goals!"
I usually try to to "shake off" these thoughts and feelings, but some days, it's hard to do!
I am sick of being a "slave" to my 9am-6pm job. I have other goals that I need to accomplish in my life.
I WILL BE A SALES DIRECTOR in Mary Kay!!!

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Emily is Leaving...

One day, I get an invitation to a wedding of an acquaintance, more likely because I know his mom and not because I was that close to him. I RSVP'd, and a thing happened. I met his wife at the wedding! We basically became instant friends. She started messaging me through Facebook about the Indy Adult Show Choir and wanting to join. Then, she did join us.
 Emily is the most thoughtful and dedicated person I have ever met! We have some of the same struggles in our lives. We bonded not only over music, but the facet that we both needed support to get us through things in our lives.
She's now moving to Austin, Texas, because her husband got a job. I'm to the point where I think, how am I going to survive without her here in the same city?!?!? We basically talk every single day, and saw each other if not almost every other day. Last night, as we were packing the truck for them to move, my thoughts were more like denying that Nate and Emily were leaving. They aren't moving!!! It's all a dream! I am not a crier, I mean, like barely ever. People may look at that as stoic or something. Well, more than anything, I'm dying on the inside!
Emily and Nate, I want to wish you safe travels!!! I love you guys SO MUCH!!! This is going to be such an awesome experience for you!!! You have each other, and that is so important!

Monday, January 23, 2017

Why I would have Marched

The Women's March/Peaceful Protest is NOT about "Killing unborn babies" as some of you keep saying.
It's about a woman's right to sexual health care or health care in general. It also includes reproductive rights.
What if religious individuals decide to take it upon them to decide that it's NOT ok to get fertility treatments? I've been told by one individual already, "That's interfering with God's Plan!!! If he wanted you to have children, you would have already gotten pregnant!!! God will make this happen when you aren't even thinking about it!"
REALLY?!?!
I believe that God created science for a reason. I would have been dead a long time ago without it!
I will need medical assistance to get pregnant, and God has provided the science to make that happen!
Also, I think about having a baby 24/7! So, I'm never going to stop thinking about it!
I choose to believe in science to make this happen!
For the woman out there that is on birth control, because her life depends on it! NOT because trying to avoid pregnancy!
For the women and men out there that don't have anywhere to go to get tested for STD's and HIV/AIDS.
For the women that don't have insurance, because ACA/Obamacare just got hacked, and they don't have anywhere else to go now for Pap smears and other testing. (You do know those help catch whether women have cancer early, right?)
For the women and men out there that need sexual education, because they have only received "Abstinence Only" education from School/Home/Church.
I'd be careful with all of you women out there saying, "This march has nothing to do with me! I don't get it!"
The women that came before you worked so hard with their blood, sweet, tears, and LIVES to make sure you live a comfortable life! You are taking this for granted! Get educated before you judge! And to all of you out there that keep saying, "They're all BABY KILLERS!!!" You better check yourself! Women are losing their rights to health care during pregnancy when you get rid of clinics like Planned Parenthood!
Planned Parenthood SAVES LIVES!!!
Unless you are going to open a nationally known clinic that does all of the things that Planned Parenthood does to SAVE LIVES, you have no right to judge!
Pro-Life also includes AFTER THE CHILD IS BORN and ADULTS! So, don't complain about Welfare for Children. A lot of people out there insist a baby is born, but then, don't want to make sure the child doesn't starve to death afterward!
I support all women, but some of you are very judgemental about things you know nothing about!
You would be surprised how many women, even religious women, have to go to Planned Parenthood for health care, because they cannot afford to go anywhere else!

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Be the change!

I'm not a "Can't Even" type of person. In fact, it always drives me INSANE when someone says, "I can't even."
You can't even what? Please, enlighten me!
In the next 24 hours, I know a lot of people out there are feeling the "I can't evens."
Take time to pray for, send positive energy, light a candle, whatever it is you CAN do to help the things going on in this nation.
On top of that, in the next 4 years, do something to create a positive change on this Earth! Join a music group or something artistic. Find a group that supports something you believe in and join in the fight. That group doesn't have to be religious. It could be a group fighting for basic freedoms for everyone. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or women's shelter.
Donate money to organizations that are going to need it! (Planned Parenthood, Women's Shelters, LBGTQ Groups and Youth Groups, Suicide Prevention Organizations, Arts Organizations) Write your Senators and Congress people! Make sure they know, WE ARE THE PEOPLE THEY ARE REPRESENTING! NOT THE BIG CORPORATIONS WITH MONEY!!! Stop shopping with the big corporations that buy these Senators and congress people!
On top of it all, it may be hard to not gripe, complain, and feel love for others that may not have the same opinion as us. But we need to be the example. Be the leaders that show others that WE CAN!!! I challenge every single one of you to go out and DO SOMETHING POSITIVE!
Tomorrow, go forth with love and a positive attitude that YOU CAN! YOU CAN MAKE THAT CHANGE!!!

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Baby Making is Expensive! Thoughts on Infertility

Why is your way to get a baby better than mine?
Now, you may ask, why would I ask such a question! Well, I know lots of women that are in the same situation I am. They cannot get pregnant without help. Well, if you didn't know, fertility treatments, In Vitro Fertilization to be exact, run in the $17,000 range in Indiana. And that's just for the first try, with a maybe 60% chance of getting pregnant.
On top of that, if we decide to adopt instead of fertility treatments, private adoption is in the $35,000 range.
So, why do women get so defensive in the way we get the money to do it?
I decided to sell Mary Kay to start earning more money to go towards this goal.
When I told one women who had done fertility treatments, "Hey, I've started selling Mary Kay to help us earn the money towards IVF!" She said,"Why don't you do a Gofundme instead?" I had another person tell me, She took out a loan at the bank to have her twins. When I told her about the Mary Kay, she refused to even answer my messages!
I feel judged. They may not be able to buy Mary Kay right now, and that's fine. But why the shadiness? Why not just say, "I'm sorry. I can't buy right now, but good luck on your journey!" I know these women did other things like, sell baked goods they personally made. (Not really legal without a "Roadside Stand Certification" in Indiana.) Yes, I didn't buy any, but I did wish them luck, and gave love and support on their journey to getting a baby.
I'm selling a legit product, legally, and working towards a goal.
I do love these women. I want them to be successful on their journeys.
I'm not going to take out a loan that I have fear of looming over our heads for years, and there's a chance that the baby won't even happen on the first try. I don't want to beg people for free money. Trust me. I have supported the women that do this by making donations. I'm not judging their ways. This just isn't the way I want to accomplish our goal.
Why do I feel I'm being judged for my choice?

Thursday, January 12, 2017

That time Jen and I additioned for a TV Show

My freshman year of college, or first year, however you want to look at it, Christmas Break was a new construct full of excitement! First, my friends and I were going to see Rent at a theater in downtown Chicago.
Jen and I spent the night with our friend Amie. Then, the next day, we went to Chicago and auditioned for a TV show.
I don't know how Jen found this information, but she did! We went. We were like the 2 country bumpkins in the big city, I mean, almost. It was the first time Jen had ever really driven in the "big city." The sad thing is, I don't remember much about the audition experience, just that it happened. I wore a striped turtle neck sweater and my hair in a pony tail. We had a great time together! 
The memory is very faint, but I was watching Youtube videos about people auditioning for this, and it came back to me!
Maybe Jen can remember more about this than I can.