Sunday, March 15, 2015

The Sadness...

Do you ever feel the sadness that is happening in the World today? All of the horrible things that have happened in the last couple months are starting to affect me!
I'm usually a happy go lucky person! I don't watch things that are downers. I don't listen to sad music very often. I can usually read or watch the news without feeling it too deeply.
Lately, things have been extremely harsh.
We went to see "Into the Woods" on Saturday, and one of the previews before hand was for "Selma." Selma is a city in Alabama that had an extremely rough transition when it came to equality for black human beings. During the preview, I instantly started tearing up! Why?! I AM NOT A CRIER! I mean, EVER! I rarely cry at anything. I only got emotional once at my entire wedding. I didn't cry at my father's funeral. I am not an outwardly emotional person. So, why is this happening?!?
Also, there's the song "The Hanging Tree" from the movie "Hunger Games: Mocking Jay- Part 1." They play this song that Jennifer Lawrence sings when the people start protesting the the Capitol and the Guards, and they start getting killed. They keep playing a techno version on the radio, and I start getting emotional. The only time I listen to the radio is when I'm driving, so, that creates a dangerous situation!
I always joke that my sympathy/empathy button is broken. I'm almost always "faking it" which makes me sound like a terrible person.
 In fact, when people try to empathize with me, I almost find it laughable that they would even come close to understanding what I'm going through. I know that sounds really horrible!
I've been battling a little bit of depression for a few months. It's possibly seasonal disorder related. This year's seasonal disorder has been extremely bad for me.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Statement

People don't understand why women have such a hard time with self esteem. A while back, my husband and I went out with a friend of ours. We were deep in conversation about another friend, and what she was doing in her life. That's when it happened. The friend turned to me and said, "Well, you're not that attractive, and you do pretty well for yourself!"
I've been a little broken ever since that moment.
I try to be extremely positive all the time. Sometimes it's real positivity, and sometimes it's just a facade.
In my mind at that time, I tried to justify the statement with, oh, I know what he means. I have a job. I have a boyfriend who loves me. (This was pre-marriage.) I have friends. I have all of these positive things in my life. But lately, the statement he made almost two years ago, has been extremely damaging.
I've done things to try to improve myself with diet and exercise and trying to dress properly, but that really doesn't change my looks. My parents didn't believe in braces when I was a child, so, my teeth are crooked, and I'm extremely obese.
Maybe I should start looking into getting braces and an adult, but we just don't have the money right now.
Part of me just can't believe that something that was said almost two years ago is bothering my psyche so much now. I've never let anything get to me like this before, but this was coming from someone who is supposed to be my friend. My husband was there, but he didn't correct him. Maybe my husband didn't realize how awful the statement was at that time.
It's really hard to look at our examples of what looks feminine in media, because I'm not it.
Hearing, "Oh, but you're beautiful inside!" doesn't fix the situation either.
Why this person thought it was ok to say this, I have no idea.
Body image is such a part of our sense of self whether or not it's good.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Musicals that are Life Changing

"WICKED" The Musical​ is one of the musicals that absolutely changed my life! At the time, I had just started a new job just out of college, and needed something like "Wicked" that's message told me, it's ok to move on in life. You don't have too forget your friends in college, but you can also make new ones.
I have other musicals that have been poignant at different times in my life, like "RENT​," which came out a couple years before I went to college. It was the musical that all of my friends would start spouting out lyrics to and bonded together.
Was there a musical that changed your life? Why was it so important at that point?