I have a really hard time with holidays.
It always seemed that the most horrible things always happen during or around them.
As my father got older, all sorts of crazy things always happened around holidays.
I'm not sure on exact years and dates, but I'll start with the year that I got a call on my birthday. My dad had fallen down the basement stairs. My mom needed me to go there. It must have been around my 28th birthday.
One year on Thanksgiving, Ian and I went to visit my dad in the nursing home. Now, I will say, that nursing home was awful! My mom had been staying at another nursing home recovering from back surgery. My father started found out that she had gone back to their apartment. He started demanding to take him home, or he would kill himself. We ended up following my dad in an ambulance to the hospital in Lebanon where he would be on suicide watch. In a couple weeks, they released him to go home with mom. Then, Ian and I went to visit on Christmas, and dad was on the floor. He had been on the floor for over six hours! He wouldn't let my mom dial 911 or call for help! I pushed the alert button and got help there. He ended up in the hospital for Christmas.
After that, he was put in a fairly nice nursing home in Mulberry. It was kind of far from mom though. I went to visit one Saturday, because I just happened to be in that area. He again started demanding to be moved closer to mom THAT DAY or he would kill himself! I explained that he couldn't be moved until Monday, because it was Saturday. He threw a fit and kept saying he would kill himself!
We got him moved on Monday.
One Thanksgiving weekend, my dad was in the hospital. He oxygen levels were drastically low. Hope, Ian, and I went to the cafeteria to talk whether or not to just make him comfortable. We go back to his room, and he's sitting up talking to the nurses! That hour discussion, and he completely turned around!
At this time, the holidays are just reminders of how I can't have children. It makes me sad. Every one around me right now is pregnant or has just had a baby.
These are just a few examples.
Ian knows I have a really hard time with holidays. I've talked him into Disney World for one Thanksgiving. It was probably the best Thanksgiving I've had in a long time!
I do love my family, but I'm over bad happenings with bad timing. I'd rather be at Disney World.
This is a raw view of my life and how it's been so far. Staying musically active when and where I can!
Thursday, November 1, 2018
Friday, October 5, 2018
I see you, mama!
On Thursday evening, we attended the performance of the "Lion King, the Musical" at the Murat Theater.
The performance was AMAZING!
Before the show started, I saw a young boy flapping his arms. Not thinking about it, I said, "WOW, they must have gave him a TON of sugar!"
By the time the show started, I realized that this young boy was on the autism spectrum. I could tell that an older couple a few rows up from them were extremely annoyed by the boy's antics.
The kid did extremely well with watching the performance. But OMG, when Timon and Pumbaa came on to the stage, he was SO EXCITED!
I really enjoyed watching this kid have such a great time! I could tell that the couple two rows in from of this family were stressing this mamma out!
I just wanted to say, Mamma, you are doing a GREAT job!!! <3
The performance was AMAZING!
Before the show started, I saw a young boy flapping his arms. Not thinking about it, I said, "WOW, they must have gave him a TON of sugar!"
By the time the show started, I realized that this young boy was on the autism spectrum. I could tell that an older couple a few rows up from them were extremely annoyed by the boy's antics.
The kid did extremely well with watching the performance. But OMG, when Timon and Pumbaa came on to the stage, he was SO EXCITED!
I really enjoyed watching this kid have such a great time! I could tell that the couple two rows in from of this family were stressing this mamma out!
I just wanted to say, Mamma, you are doing a GREAT job!!! <3
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
Mother's Day
The heartbreak.
Another friend announces their pregnancy. I understand how hard they worked to get there. I'm excited for them, yet still heartbroken.
If one more person says, "It will happen when you least expect it!" I might just punch them in the face!
We've started one failed round of IVF, not even getting past the Follicle Stimulation Point. We are going to start a new round of fertility treatments in July.
I was talking to a person I know this last week, and she was stating how OLD her son was going to be, when his wife had their baby. He'll be 40!!! I replied with, "Well, I'll be forty to when we have a baby!" She kept saying, "That's so OLD!!!" My mom had me at 45 years old. My co-worker's mom had her in her 40s. People are SO judgemental about his whole thing!!!
This person often says things that are bordering on rude. Like how a statue she saw was "SO FAT!" Actually, the female statue was a normal body size. It also makes me think, what is she saying about me behind my back. I shouldn't care, but it gets really frustrating.
There were 4-6 pregnancy announcements on Facebook around Mother's day. Well, yay for them. I'm sitting over here with no baby, financially and mentally broken.
I'm starting to worry that it will never happen for me.
Another friend announces their pregnancy. I understand how hard they worked to get there. I'm excited for them, yet still heartbroken.
If one more person says, "It will happen when you least expect it!" I might just punch them in the face!
We've started one failed round of IVF, not even getting past the Follicle Stimulation Point. We are going to start a new round of fertility treatments in July.
I was talking to a person I know this last week, and she was stating how OLD her son was going to be, when his wife had their baby. He'll be 40!!! I replied with, "Well, I'll be forty to when we have a baby!" She kept saying, "That's so OLD!!!" My mom had me at 45 years old. My co-worker's mom had her in her 40s. People are SO judgemental about his whole thing!!!
This person often says things that are bordering on rude. Like how a statue she saw was "SO FAT!" Actually, the female statue was a normal body size. It also makes me think, what is she saying about me behind my back. I shouldn't care, but it gets really frustrating.
There were 4-6 pregnancy announcements on Facebook around Mother's day. Well, yay for them. I'm sitting over here with no baby, financially and mentally broken.
I'm starting to worry that it will never happen for me.
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