I have a really hard time with loosing control. I'm sure I've had this problem my entire life. Lately, it's been a lot worse!
I hate flying! I can't stand that I'm not the one in control of the plane. When Ian and I flew to Florida in November, I went straight to my doctor and asked for medicinal help. He gave me a prescription. It did nothing for me! Ian just about lost some fingers, I was squeezing his hand so tight!
As that vacation week went on, I had a few moments where my panic got worse. The first day, we went to Magic Kingdom. Ian rode all of the rides. I sat on the sidelines. The weird thing about that is, I've ridden a lot of those rides before. It was eight years ago, but I did! What was the difference this time? Disney is very kind and puts a very descriptive sign out for each ride. I would read each sign, and feel panic just from the description! After reading the sign for Pirates of the Caribbean, I couldn't get on it. I sent Ian on it. He came out and said, yes, there is a drop, but it's not too bad. I wouldn't get on it! In fact, We decided to go to Magic kingdom for a third time, I didn't ride it until the very last time!
When Ian and I were in Epcot, I was doing ok, until we rode the Journey to Imagination with Figment ride. At the end of the ride, there's a surprise ending. It's nothing crazy, like a drop or anything, but the whole music and set changes at a blink of an eye. It scared the crap out of me! I was in panic mode for the rest of the day. It hindered me from getting on normal rides! I couldn't even get on the ride, Soarin' after that! That was sad, because a lot of people tell me they love that ride! We were riding Ellen's Energy Adventure, and I could feel my panic getting worse through the entire ride. The Ellen ride is just a slow moving ride that starts as a movie. While you're watching the movie, the rows of seats start moving forward, and you realize, they are really "Cars" or moving vehicles. For some reason, my brain kept turning this into, "Oh, No! This is going to turn into a roller coaster!" Which wasn't true. I was a ball of nerves that entire day! I let my panic control my day instead of me!
On our flight back from Florida, I took more of the drugs. Maybe, I should have been taking them the whole week. Although, I pretty much figured out, whatever my doctor gave me doesn't really work for me. I love going places, whether it's Florida or California. I know the best way to get to these places is to fly. I need to figure out why I'm having so many issues with panicking. Plus, why couldn't I get on the rides that I had even ridden before? They weren't that bad. I survived the times I had ridden them before! Part of me realizes that the fears and panic have gotten worse since my robbery two years ago. Maybe that's impacting me more than I think it is. I need to figure out what's going on, so, I can get on with my life!